


Is That Your Dream?

by CitizenoftheWorld



Series: They're human too [3]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Brotherhood, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Timeline, Canon Universe, Character Study, Complete, Confused Kim Seokjin | Jin, Family Issues, Gen, Group discussions, Idol Jeon Jungkook, Idol Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Idol Kim Namjoon | RM, Idol Kim Seokjin | Jin, Idol Kim Taehyung | V, Idol Min Yoongi | Suga, Idol Park Jimin, Inspired by Real Events, Kim Seokjin is an Enigma, Kim Seokjin | Jin Is a Good Hyung, Kim Seokjin | Jin-centric, Other, Pre Debut, Stand Alone, questionable parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitizenoftheWorld/pseuds/CitizenoftheWorld
Summary: “Your parents don’t want you here. And I know that you are way more loaded than you pretend to be. From an outsider's point of view, you don’t seem to fit in with the message we want to convey. But you choose to be here – with us. Why?”“You have an insider's point of view,” Seokjin said using Yoongi’s logic, “do you think I fit in?”[Despite Seokjin’s family's wishes he joins Bangtan and finds value in not needing anyone’s approval]





	Is That Your Dream?

### [Seokjin’s brother has something to say pt.1]

“Do you like making mother cry?” asked his brother. Seokjin should have known better. His brother was the rational one out of the two sons his father had. He could always reason with Seokjin whenever Seokjin wanted to try something out of the ordinary – something that was not what his father had planned out for him. When Seokjin got admitted to the arts university his brother must have felt like he lost some sense of control over Seokjin. But they had tolerated it. They thought that in the end Seokjin would come to his senses. Yet here they were.

Seokjin’s brother stepped away from his car and dared to step closer to the apartment complex. All the other trainees had already vanished and Seokjin knew he would be scolded for being too late for dance practice. Though, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he should have known better than trusting his brother to not try to stop him. He sighed and let the disappointment wash over him.

“Do you like living like this?” there was no mockery in the tone of his brother. It was honest disbelief, which made it a little worse. “With how many people do you share a bathroom? How many of them do even know where you come from?” For a moment his brother seemed lost at what to say. He was like this when he tried to reason with Seokjin. Seokjin knew by now. “And do you really believe you’re going to debut?” there it was, the ultimate jab, “You got to be realistic here, Seokjin my brother. This is a low-life agency. Most of their trainees have a problematic past. They’ve tried for almost half a decade to debut a group. Don’t think it will be any different for you. You’re going to be too old by the time that happens… and then they’ll kick you out. And what are you going to do then? You know how father is. He won’t forgive you.”

Seokjin nodded along and approached his brother. The expensive car with an expensive suited man in front of it seemed to hold no relation to Seokjin’s battered sneakers and workout gear. “You’re enlisting, right?” Seokjin asked instead of responding.

His brother down casted his gaze and let his shoulders drop. His confident demeaner disappearing like thin ice under the sun. “I don’t want to return to a broken family,” his brother admitted quietly.

“I understand,” Seokjin shared, “but please understand me too. I want to do this. I want this. And if I fail I know mother will cry and father will never forgive me… but let me at least still have you.”

They were close enough, so his brother embraced him. It was a silent farewell. Seokjin’s brother had done everything their father had demanded of him while Seokjin had been sailing in opposite direction. However, they still found each other in that embrace that embodied a promise; to stay together even if their family was to fall apart.

“I will probably never understand what possess you to do what you’re doing right now, and I don’t need that,” his brother whispered close to Seokjin’s ear. He tightened their embrace and inhaled deeply. “I don’t need to understand. I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

 

### [Bangtan made a song called “N.O.”]

_Good house, good car_

_Would that mean happiness?_

If Seokjin were to be completely honest his answer to Namjoon’s lyrics would be ‘yes’.

When the news of their debut had reached his mother – and probably also his father – she had called to weakly congratulate him on his accomplishment, but Seokjin could hear the worry in her voice. It was the same charade Namjoon tried to uphold when he would address the members about yet another broadcast that had cut them out.

Seokjin hoped his mother didn’t follow their group’s work closely. He didn’t want her to see what her son ended up doing – or didn’t get to do. Seokjin was proud of the music they made, the message they conveyed, but he wasn’t delusional. His singing wasn’t as good as Jungkook or Jimin’s. It was only rational to not give him that many lines. But his mother wouldn’t understand, just like how the few fans he had didn’t want to understand. She would be disappointed.

He needed proof, Seokjin decided. He needed physical proof of his success. A good house and a good car would be a great starting point. His father might then even be impressed.

“You know, I had a fight with Namjoon the other day,” Yoongi said conversationally. Seokjin perked up from his corner in the studio. It was a shared studio for all the members, but only Yoongi and Namjoon came here to actually try to make some _beats_. The rest of them liked the computer or shot logs. It was already late and Seokjin had no idea where he was supposed to find dinner. He had decided to linger in the studio while Yoongi worked on the computer. He could move his lazy butt to the practice room and join Jimin who was overdoing learning the choreography again. He could, but he was here; staring at nothing while listening to the short samples of music Yoongi was working on. Yoongi breaking the silence was uncommon.

“Was it about your difference in artistic perception?” Seokjin said coolly from the couch. He had witnessed Yoongi and Namjoon fight over music and he had a hard time taking them serious. They were just small children bickering over a lyric or beat in a small studio of a small company of a very unpopular group that made songs about them making it big one day. It was rather cute than serious.

“Call it what you want,” Yoongi dismissed and turned around to properly face Seokjin. “It was about the part in N.O. where he sings “ _good house, good car._ ” He wanted me to sing it, said it suited my voice.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t want to, ” Yoongi agreed, “and then we had a fight.”

Seokjin frowned. “You want me to ask you why you didn’t want to sing that part?”

“I’m afraid that we might also end up fighting.”

“You brought it up,” Seokjin countered. “Is there something you want to ask me?”

Yoongi shrugged. “It just made me think about our group and how I don’t really know everyone that well.” Yoongi was speaking very carefully, which was out of character. He usually spewed out whatever he wanted and apologised afterwards if his words had hurt someone. Right now he was trying very hard not to hurt Seokjin. “I mean, most of you come from decent or rich families, I suppose,” it was one of the few grounds Yoongi and Taehyung shared. “ _A good house, a good car_ , singing that is like a taunt to those who have never had that and really need it.”

Seokjin adverted his eyes from Yoongi. “Those things could bring happiness to some people.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nodded. “We want to stick up for those people, right?” He hesitated before saying the following: “I never really understood why you wanted to be part of our group. You said you like music, but everyone does – that doesn’t count. And I heard you talking to your mom the other day-”

Seokjin sighted. “-that was private.”

“Then don’t do it in the dorms,” Yoongi said unbothered before continuing, “Your parents don’t want you here. And I know that you are way more loaded than you pretend to be. From an outsider's point of view, you don’t seem to fit in with the message we want to convey. But you choose to be here – with us. Why?”

Just like his brother, just like his mother – _Why?_

“What do you think?” Seokjin asked feeling exposed. He knew that his addition to the team had caused one of the original rappers to leave the group. If he had to be completely honest, he’d casted Yoongi as someone who would do that. Up until now he had no confirmed idea of what Yoongi thought of him. “You have an insider's point of view,” Seokjin said using Yoongi’s logic, “do you think I fit in?”

Yoongi chuckled. “It’s very easy to judge something when you’re not part of it. So it seems almost impossible for me to judge as I am part of our group,” he seemed a little nervous, “I think you fit in just fine, but I don’t know why. I don’t really understand you. Why are you here? What’s your motivation? What did you tell director Bang to convince him to keep you in the group?”

Seokjin never answered Yoongi.

When they headed to the dorms Yoongi quickly apologised, he probably thought that Seokjin’s lack of response indicated that he had hurt the elder. “…don’t take it the wrong way,” Yoongi had said, “I was just curious. It doesn’t mean I want you out of the group or something like that…”

-

Seokjin liked to refer to his members as ‘children’ or ‘kids’. He had the right to say things like that because he was the oldest. But that joke couldn’t support any pretence of him not still being a child too. Shihyuk must have seen right through him when they first met. He knew where Seokjin came from, he knew that sitting right in front of him was just a child doing something their parents very much didn’t agree with. Seokjin will never know why, but Shihyuk had taken a leap of faith when he decided to support Seokjin’s rebellious perseverance.

Seokjin didn’t want to live anyone’s dream, even when he had no real dream of his own.

 

### [A son to be proud of]

“Today my parents came,” Seokjin said to the crowd.

It took a while, but when the lights dimmed and Jimin pointed out the section his mother and brother were waving from, Seokjin found the empty seat designated for his father.

It was their first stadium concert they had all invited their parents to. They were all nervous. They were all proud. When Seokjin’s brother had called to say their father might also come, he had grown more nervous than he’d like to admit. The entire concert he’d wondered whether his father had showed up or not. Like always he should have known better.

“Its okay,” he said through the microphone. The crowd mistaking his glistering eyes for something else. By now, his members knew better- it was a relief. “When I was younger, my mother used to just listen to her friends bragging about their sons. She just… listened…”

He couldn’t see his mother and brother anymore. The lights focused on the stage were back to full blast and he blamed the brightness for the tears in his eyes, for the quivering of his voice. He had made it this far. The members had come this far. No presence or absence could deny the truth. Seokjin was no one but an enemy if he didn’t acknowledge his hard efforts. This most beautiful moment in life. Regardless of what his father said or what the media thought, he had a right to be proud of himself.

“…today I made my parents proud…”

 

### [Seokjin has a complaint]

“Why won’t it be possible?” Seokjin asked their manager. They were huddled in a dressing room, ready to head home, tired of the stages they just performed. The manager had announced to have a brief meeting before they’d spread out over different cars. It was nothing unusual, a few announcements about their upcoming schedule. It was always very much appreciated during comeback season, when days flowed over in one another and you really shouldn’t dare to ask any of the member what day it was, for they didn’t sleep or rest during this time. Today was an exceptional day in which they got to head home, sleep a day and continue filming, fitting, stages and interviews the following. The manager made some more announcements about big showcases they would perform at the end of their promotions. Big showcases, were the words he had used, emphasizing that they were important – more important than Seokjin’s graduation. “I had given the date of the ceremony at the beginning of the year,” Seokjin said.

The manger nodded, “I understand. I discussed it with PR but they-”

Seokjin shook his head. “You don’t really understand. I’m graduating. My parents will be there.”

That seemed to raise the tension in the small room. Namjoon and Yoongi were sharing a knowing look and Hoseok seemed ready to say something.

“What time is the broadcast precisely?” Namjoon asked calmly at the manager, “I thought the two events didn’t fall on the same date.”

The manager looked relieved to be addressed by a calm leader, rather than an stressed out singer. “You’re right, but the broadcast ends past midnight. In order for us to get to the ceremony we’d have to drive the entire night and then we’d still be too late.”

“Maybe we can…” that was Taehyung jumping in on the conversation. Soon Yoongi voiced his own solution and others argued his idea and came up with their own. At some point some one suggested that Seokjin could skip on the broadcast. It was a possibility, one that PR wouldn’t be all too happy about. Though in the end it was clear that no matter what, they couldn’t skip the broadcast.

“Guys it’s okay,” Seokjin said when the discussion had been going on for almost twenty minutes, “it’s okay.”

“Is it?” Hoseok asked skeptically, “We all went to Jungkook’s graduation…”

“That’s true,” their manager sighed and Seokjin regretted his earlier outburst. Everyone was just doing their job, right? Why couldn’t just follow the script that was spelled out for him?

“It’s okay,” Seokjin said again ignoring how all eyes were on him and how no one seemed to believe him. “I will celebrate my graduation with you guys, right?”

“Of course,” Jimin said immediately.

“Then there is no problem,” Seokjin said. He looked pointedly at their manager, “Will you have them calling off my attendance at school? Then I’ll call my family myself.” The manager nodded. The issue got resolved. Seokjin was never really a problem when it came to the company. Perhaps a pushover?

-

 

“ _Hey, Mom... yes, yes, I’m doing fine. I’ve eaten… those are just edited pictures, I got enough fat on my body… yeah, they’re doing great too. Have you eaten? …that’s wonderful. I will …yeah I talked with him the other day, he seemed to be enjoying himself, yeah… I called because I… No, no. It’s about my graduation… yes, yes, I have all my points, I am graduating, it’s just- you know how busy we are and everything? …. I’m sorry, I really tried to keep that date clear… I know, I know… I’m sorry… don’t say that. We don’t have to talk about that now… I know, I’m sorry. I can still come another time to celebrate or… I know… thank you, Mom. I really tried, please understand… thank you. I tried calling dad, but he- can you tell him I’m sorry? …I’m sorry. I love you._ ”

 

### [Blow a kiss]

“I don’t think I will be able to talk,” Jungkook said quietly. It was a sentiment that was shared quietly in the moving car. They were on their way to a variety show that was famous for dissing its guests and though they had wanted to be on the show for a while, they didn’t want to look stupid.

“Don’t worry,” Seokjin said with more confidence than anyone in the van. “They will be too distracted by my beautiful face.”

Jimin laughed quietly. “Please stand in front of me then.”

“And me too!” Namjoon chirped in.

“Don’t worry, his shoulders are broad enough for all of us,” Taehyung said booming, “we can all hide behind him.”

 

### [Seokjin’s brother has something to say pt.2]

“So let me get this straight,” Seokjin’s brother sounded through the phone, “you’re going to be global ambassadors of LG.”

“Don’t forget Puma and Coca Cola,” Seokjin added.

“That’s not the point,” his brother sounded surprised and Seokjin understood where he was coming from. “First of all,” his brother started, “You use an iPhone, and now you’re going to promote LG phones while you know damn well that father works for Samsung.”

Seokjin chuckled. “It is a little funny, you can’t deny that.”

His brother barked a quick laugh and Seokjin could imagine how he would comb his hair in a nervous manner. “Yeah, okay. It’s funny.” There were some noises on the other end and Seokjin wondered briefly whether his brother was at the office. “Hey, Seokjin, when can we meet again?”

Seokjin nodded, though no one could see him. “Soon. I promise.”

“Okay, little brother,” it had been a long time since anyone addressed Seokjin like that and the moment seemed to weigh heavier than it should. “Please, take care,” his brother wished.

“Thank you,” Seokjin responded, “you too. Take care.”

 

### [“Love yourself. Love myself. Peace.”]

“I want to have more lines.”

The meeting room fell silent. The meeting had just began. They would be discussing a new era, perhaps their last era before Seokjin would have to enlist. Producers, concept writers, PR coordinators, the members and the director were all present. The meeting moderator had welcomed everyone, showed a brief presentation on what they would be discussing and ended his talk by asking if anyone wanted to say anything before they really got started. Seokjin had spoken first.

Yoongi had a small smile on his face, similar to Jungkook’s, he nodded in agreement. Namjoon looked expectantly at their director. Hoseok immediately voiced his agreement, whilst having Jimin nodding along. Taehyung placed a firm hand on Seokjin’s thigh.

“Very well,” Shihyuk said breaking the silent. He wrote it down on his notes and looked back at Seokjin, “we can make that happen.”

 

### [The ensuing dinner after Vlive]

“I can’t believe how drunk you guys are,” Taehyung said judgingly.

Jimin laughed loudly. “This is nothing! Remember last weekend?”

Seokjin raised his glass and was met by three other glasses clinking his. They were loud, they were crazy and tried to convince Taehyung that this was nothing in comparison to last weekend. Jungkook started making weird faces and Jimin engulfed in uncontrollable laughter. Namjoon started babbling about something Seokjin didn’t try to understand, but Taehyung was very intrigued. Yoongi and Hoseok were talking about an epic stage performance that they wished to do one day.

“Guys, I want to kill the mood,” Seokjin said to the room.

“ _Wha_ ,” Namjoon said impressed, “instead of denying, you’re owning up to it.”

“He’s just drunk,” Yoongi said.

“So are you, so shut up,” Seokjin said. He raised his glass involuntary.

“Are we doing a toast?” Jungkook asked holding up an empty tumbler. Everyone followed suit and Seokjin frowned.

“Well, I wasn’t planning on, but okay. Toast,” he said.

“What is this?” Hoseok unamused and took another sip of his water, trying to sober himself up.

“I want to kill the mood by saying something heartfelt,” Seokjin elaborated.

Taehyung perked up. “Can I go first?”

“No, I started. If you wanted to break the mood, you should have tried harder. I’m first.”

“What is this about? What do you want to say?” Jimin asked curiously.

 “I want to talk about myself and our group,” Seokjin started. Yes, that did kill the mood. The boys shifted in their chairs and Seokjin had their unwavering attention. “Recently my father reached out to me. You know how he didn’t like me joining Big Hit and stuff, right? It had caused some trouble over the years but this time he… he had a lot to say.” Seokjin hadn’t cried afterwards like he had expected. He was left feeling empty and quickly realized it was because he hadn’t expected anything from his father in the first place. “It doesn’t really matter what he said exactly, but he ended with saying that he was proud of me. Now what does this mean?” Seokjin looked around at his brothers. “It means that it took my father seven years longer than you guys to believe in me.” _Wide awake, don’t cry_. “I don’t take that lightly, and I wanted you to know that; You mean more than family to me.”

-

“A toast to our oldest brother and old man, Seokjin! May his broad shoulders and beautiful voice carry us to the sky.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please share your thoughts and let me know if you want to see more things like this.
> 
> I want to point out that the way I portrayed Seokjin's dad - or his entire family for that matter - is for fictional purposes only. Please take no offense.  
> I find Seokjin one of the most mysterious members of Bangtan, so I tried my best at giving insight on how he might have felt about certain events.


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